On this occasion I had the good sense to send a piece to my beautiful, smart friend Alanna first, so with one draft and one edit I give you this:
The youth in me which grew
And flourished before orange skies
And black waters – the love within me which found
Its voice on roads
After rains fell and on dark beaches
Illuminated by yellow moons.
In the everlasting nights
Of a new life – the hope
Which had lain dormant within
Me, whilst life was cold
Became free, and you
Were the recipient of its deceits.
What was awakened
Could not be tamed as it grew
To become the destruction of our pure notions of truth
And now I sit
In this dark pit
With these stinging tears and
Heaves as though I might
This black heart
And cast it
These flat days pass before dead eyes.
Not before it was too late could I
See the error of my ways – not before
The damage was set to its highest peak and love was gone. I live on and these memories live on with me – the self-loathing
I focus upon my adversaries as though I could inflict upon them
A fraction of the bitterness which burns within
My own heart – I try to turn to the light
To find some meaning in humility;
The exchange of kind words with others, until
Alone when the fear
Engulfs me once again.
Contemplating in the silence of my dreams.
Now that you are gone, I look
But I cannot see – I clutch and I grasp
But I cannot feel – there is nothing left to lose
I’m really dead, but I have stepped forth
Into the cold light of the world – the first days of my adult life Formed in the fire of disappointment
Having lost all, one is free to rebuild –
Free to recreate – the lessons of past iniquity forming
The basis of future dignity, like a trapped rat,
A man with nothing to lose will fight to the death
For survival is the most basic of all instincts.
I have struck down my recent opponents
With increasing ferocity
As I have neared
My objective – but now that that hill has been surmounted
My mind has turned to more fitting
Recipients of the rage boiling within me.
The calculations begin for a new Takeover –
One that will shake the game to its very foundations –
For I’m yet to hit full pace…see, I’m not even jogging.
I sense weakness in the shrill
Voices of these so-called champions – pretenders
Already compromised by their fears
Quickly, they betray themselves to the slightest provocation
Unsettled by a mere word or a phrase.
We have just come to fruition;
The next phase of the Takeover is about to begin.
That is that.