Demi god

On this occasion I had the good sense to send a piece to my friend Alanna first, so with a draft and an edit I give you this:

Demi god

The youth in me which grew
And flourished before orange skies
And black waters – the love within me which found
Its voice on roads 
After rains fell and on dark beaches
Illuminated by yellow moons. 

In the everlasting nights
Of a new life – the hope
Which had lain dormant within
Me, whilst life was cold
And hard
And grey 
Became free, and you
Were the recipient of its deceits. 

What was awakened
Could not be tamed as it grew
To become the destruction of our pure notions of truth

And now I sit
In this dark pit
With these stinging tears and
My chest
Heaves as though I might
Wrench forth
This black heart
And cast it 
Aside

Useless.

These flat days pass before dead eyes. 

Not before it was too late could I
See the error of my ways – not before
The damage was set to its highest peak and love was gone. I live on and these memories live on with me – the self-loathing
I focus upon my adversaries as though I could inflict upon them
A fraction of the bitterness which burns within
My own heart – I try to turn to the light
To find some meaning in humility;
The exchange of kind words with others, until
Alone when the fear
Engulfs me once again.

Aimless wandering
Empty 
Contemplating in the silence of my dreams.

Now that you are gone, I look
But I cannot see – I clutch and I grasp
But I cannot feel – there is nothing left to lose
I’m really dead, but I have stepped forth
Into the cold light of the world – the first days of my adult life Formed in the fire of disappointment
Having lost all, one is free to rebuild –
Free to recreate – the lessons of past iniquity forming
The basis of future dignity, like a trapped rat,
A man with nothing to lose will fight to the death
For survival is the most basic of all instincts.

I have struck down my recent opponents
With increasing ferocity
As I have neared 
My objective – but now that that hill has been surmounted
My mind has turned to more fitting 
Recipients of the rage boiling within me.
The calculations begin for a new Takeover –
One that will shake the game to its very foundations – 
For I’m yet to hit full pace…see, I’m not even jogging.

I sense weakness in the shrill
Voices of these so-called champions – pretenders
Already compromised by their fears
Quickly, they betray themselves to the slightest provocation
Unsettled by a mere word or a phrase.

We have just come to fruition;
The next phase of the Takeover is about to begin.
Strictly business.
That is that.

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